Good. But not good enough these days. We live in a new society, as different from the one in which our parents grew up as the computer is different from the typewriter. And the realities of this new society require a new approach to the old concepts of civility. We communicate in new, fast and sometimes jarring ways. The new world of sex and dating is more open but, at the same time, more sensitive than ever before. Family relationships are often more complex, and there are new rules for relating to stepparents and stepchildren, biological and adoptive parents, same-sex couples, and unmarried couples. The shrinking globe and instant communication systems mean that we are called upon more often to respond to difficult situations involving cultural clashes and racial and ethnic diversity. It is a world keyed to speed, skills acquisition, and an “I am my resumé” mentality, where good manners, civility, and etiquette are more important than ever before. Whether or not it’s unfair, people will make a character judgment about you based on how you handle social situations. This can be a crucial factor when your superiors make decisions about how far or how high you can go in an organization. And the rules of etiquette, new and old, must be learned. Once, these rules were learned at home, often around the dinner table. Well, families don’t gather around the dinnner table as regularly or as formally as they once did, and parents in the everybody-works world have little time to conduct lessons in deportment. Even those who have had a good grounding in eitquette need some updating in this rapidly changing world. You do not know these things instinctively, no matter how smart you are. Somebody has to teach you. Somebody had to teach me.

Whatever their source-our svelte new figure, our rousing speech, our fabulous meal-compliments lift us, honor us, and validate our choices and effort. A compliment is a two-way gift that  benifits the giver and recipient alike.Compliments are always social proper, if sincerely extended and kept appropriate to context. (More on this later) If someone always looks great, tell him or her. If someone is always efficient, acknowledge that. Compliments can break the ice with a stranger, defuse stress, life spirits, or tighten a bond. The right words at the right time can motivate, comfort, reward, validate, and inspire. However, compliments are not the same as ‘flattery’. Flattery is insincere and excessive. Superfluous compliments are annoying and make others feel as though the giver “expected a receipt,” lamented one writer. “Be sincere, specific, unqualified NEVER COMPARE.”

CRITICIZE ME, and I may not like you.
Whether you deserve it or not, you will be the subject of criticism at one point or another in your life. Be ready. If the criticism is justified, accept it and treat it as a problem that needs to be resolved. Acknowledge that you have a challenge ahead of you and make it clear to the person who pointed out the shortcoming that you intend to address it. If you believe that the criticism is unjustified or delivered harshly or publicly, you have every right to react in a different way. However, if you get angry and start shooting back, you will end up saying things you ill regretand so will the person who offered the criticism in the first place. In this situation it is usually best to put off discussing the matter: “Let’s talk about this when we’re both a little calmer” or “We ought to get together and work this out. What’s a good time for you?” If someone says something critical about you in the presence of others, you can try “freezing” your critic by stoppping whatever you are doing or saying and looking the person dead in the eye for a moment. Or you can say something like “Very little good comes of criticizing in public. Please tell me your objections (or problem) in private.” If you’re not sure that the criticism is justified or if you need time to think it over, you can say, “I’m glad you’re letting me know what’s on your mind. I’d like to tihnk about it and get back to you.” If you know you’ve goofed, it’s sometimes best to just say, “I apologize,” and that’s all. Depending on the situation, something more may be required: “I never intended to (embarrass, upset, offend) you, but I can see that I did, and I’m sorry.” But don’t whine, don’t grovel, and don’t make excuses or try to shift the blame.

OFF TOPIC/ICE BREAKER:

It was eleven in the evening on a cool wednesday of one December. Cate lies lazily on her side in Ross’ bed as she half-mindedly peers at a book infront of her. She can’t remember how long she’d been in that position but her arm where her head rest had already started to feel numb. Letting a heavy sigh she leans back, pushing the book away with disgust. She gently rubs her left elbow with her right hand as she straightens it while staring in space wondering what time it was and if Ross was already making his way home. She’d almost drifted to sleep when a loud bang and sound of heavy footsteps rattled the antique wood furniture where she lay rest. In anticipation she pulls herself up from bed hoping that it was him but only to hear the noise falter as she imagines it making its way to the kitchen. “Must’ve just been one of his roommates,” In effort to shake sleep off she reaches for the book beside her once again. ‘The Seduction Of Water’ the title reads, she picks up where she had left off. The protagonist namely, Iris, takes her in a hotel where she was in for a surprise. In the book the writer describes the uneven emotional high a young woman usually experiences when out in her first official social engagement that is in her case, the uprising bookwriter celebrating her first debut novel. Fallen unconscious of the time Cate jumps at the slight thud of the front door, hearing a great bustle surrounding the arriving host. Ross slips his head through the slightly opened door of the bedroom like a kid cautiously creeping out and away from the ‘it’ player in a game of hide and seek. Gently he pushes himself in.. (more on this later)Getting up she reaches for her shoes on the corner side of the bed with her left foot and started to follow Ross out to the door into the kitchen where a number of voices seem to be coming from. “Hey guys this is Cate, would you like some wine?” She agreed to some and turned her attention to his acquaintances. A perky possibly other than hetero and perhaps even half italian guy with soft kinky hair was the first to offer his hand. ‘Hi, I’m Oly, ’ squinting the eyes among his soft features on her as if in attempt to read the response off her forehead. ‘Hello Oly, Cate.’ Another introduces himself as “J”(?), skinny, much taller pale skinned guy with black eyes and the same hairdo except that his curls were alot frizzed. She began to think that the hairdo was probably a trend to this group. Next was “D”, who seems to be the youngest of them all. “H”, blond, standing tall with average height and built in a pale blue polo shirt his clear skin not hiding the blood on his cheeks also shook her hands. Cate noticed a girl whom she later found out to be named Sam. Long dark brown hair who was either not paying attention or was shying away. She ignores and instead makes her way next to Ross who was at the sink, he handed her her glass and poured some wine in it then to his own. Again she turns around facing the circle of people jeering about some people they knew, Oly’s voice standing out. The wine felt nice and warm in her throat, a relief from the dry and chilly state she was in previously. She felt tempted to close her eyes and be lost in its taste had she only been alone at that moment. She suddenly remembers that she needed to ring her old man to inform him of her late-night affair and return the next day.

Everyone’s eager to head to town for some drinks and dance. Fortunately, it was just walking distance away from where Ross lived. Ross held out his hand and she was only happy to give hers. They were almost skipping their way down to catch up with the rest of them. ‘You okay? So how are you?’ he gently inquires his eyes examining her face. ‘Great, this is actually all pretty exciting, they ALL seem very nice.’ He lets go of her hand raising his arm and rested it around her, pulling her close. She felt his hard body and warmth despite the strong breeze passing against them. ‘Yup, they’re my workmates. They’re pretty pat aye.’ Holding the wine bottle on his other hand, shaking it playfully. ‘Yeah I think so too. So what’s the plan, where do we go first?’ ‘We’ll all go for a drink then maybe go for some dance.. you know we could still go back to my place if you don’t really feel like going tonight’ letting out a faint smile. Puzzled she replies, ‘You’ve asked me that even before we left the house ross, twice. Are you sure it’s me you’re worrying about or..’ He slightly shakes his head, ‘Nah, it’s just I see you wearing high heels.’ Cate playfully shoves him, ‘Oh, don’t worry about me too much, I’m used to it’ she tells him. ‘I’ve been trying to coax you to go dancing with me for ages, it’s good to finally have you come with me tonight. Want more?’ lifting the bottle of wine and holding it up to his ear. The way he looked reminded her of how one could hear the ocean when a large conch shell is propped up in the same postion against their ear. She giggles inwardly and snatches the bottle off of him. (editing as I go)

(Inspired by mKd19 )

All of us, long for the chance to go back to where we made our mistakes and try to pick up again. The opportunity is given to very few. We mostly carry round this unsatisfied desire, and at the back of our minds it nags, and the best we can do is to try to forget it. Why try? Because one may only go on for a certain length of time expending energy and integrity on things unworthy of them…

“You, you’re worth it. There have been too much said and yet not enough. Too much to allow any doubt that you could love me and not enough to assure me that i would be welcome if i wanted to come back to you..I’ve come here now because I think it’s the right thing. Understand me. Understand me once and for all. In you, in all of us, is the same desire to finish what we’ve begun. A tidy mind does not like loose ends…my relationship with you is a loose end-a failure, if you like to put it that way. You’d like to go back and put it right if you could. Only you are not sure but it’s either one way or the other…How can either say exactly where it went wrong? Can either put a finger on the first time either one might have spoken a few ordinary words of sympathy or help, and just didn’t bother…no chance for adjustments, no time to get used to each other and become tolerant of inadequacies. I can’t hope to put into convenient words what is in my mind. You and I, we had a bond, a chemistry-and each other. That’s a relationship which demands everything we’ve got, calls out every ounce of understanding and courage. I think I see in this a chance to win back my self-respect, and I want to take it. If you can’t understand what I mean by trying to win back my self-respect, then there’s nothing doing. If we don’t understand each other even this far, then it wouldn’t be any use continuing. You need me more, as i need you. I know it won’t be all roses, but it’s worth it-it’s worth everything I’ve got.” (And wouldn’t ya know, we lived happily ever since)