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Uh-oh! This has been one interesting week, definitely must have ‘em DETAILS down here. Anyway, it all began as a simple complaint uttered in a low and indistinct tone, he summed it up by saying it was "un-ethical" yet there he was thoroughly exposed right before my eyes. I and apparently he too was holding nothing back, translucent we both were, doing our best not to make things complicated, but outta his effort grew discontent. He doesn’t want to lose it, this feeling. In fact, he realized how much he wanted more. I’m in the midst of a terrible situation. A situation anyone can benefit from-somehow. (i.e entertainment? tee hee hee! ) except myself…Of course, it wouldn’t be right to expose the exact actuality of a contemporary phenomenon, compromising secrecy and humiliate ‘em peoples concerned….err, just read. ^_^ Uncovering the truth behind those momentary stares, It makes you think. Did it ever occur to you that if some thoughts such as these comes into mind, one changes or yields accordingly be it for better or for worst, if not leaving him/her thinking to an extent that they become wise about who they really are. Eventually, becoming much aware of the things they feel, enabling ‘em to distinguish one apart from the other-wutever sorts they may be- and even master the ability of putting ‘em in use constructively….wutta drag eh. |
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Reveries…of an inspired life. Silent at most times…Where do I begin, how do I start…pointing out wut should be mine… that thing that only lives in the mind…Oh- why, oh-why, oh-why ….. do I friggin rhyme all the time…huhuhu
Lately, been having ‘em daydreams of events that should’ve been, and things that the heart yearns to feel…Of questions that does not have any fair answers to. And of answers that only the past could dare question… * * Where do I friggin get these emotions, and why, for wut reasons? Oh, how I long to know. This thoughts that just taps into my mind… of dreams that are so good to be true…does not stop my desire to ask where this would bring me to…on wut ends? Wut is there to expect? It makes me wonder if I should be alarmed, well it makes me feel so anyway. * *..Reminds me of a friend’s poem about a VIRUS that betrays sanity..not mine, though I’m starting to believe it’s contagious…infecting the mind. |
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Meet the Owner of this Journal. All entries in this blog are personal. Yet, I’ve laid them all out in the open in the hopes of one noticing and referring me to a cure for this sickness that I might be suffering from since birth. Just playing or maybe not… Nah. What you see is what you get. I’m a very emotional person. Don’t take all of ‘em blurbs of mine too seriously tho`, sometimes I tend to exaggerate on things. As you can see, I don’t make do with short paragpraphs or summaries. This is how I kill time. I’m a sucker with comes to wisecracks. That’s cuz my life per se is full of drama and I don’t wanna feed more into it. Thus, here you’ll find humor in everything you read. That’s me. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m generally an okay person once you get to know me. Mild at heart, the kind of person who have love amongst themselves. Sensitive, that’s me to the world issues, but that’s not me about myself and general life. A courteous person at most times. When it comes to new acquaintances, it usually takes time for me before admiration sets in-if the person is worthy of the label. I am not Bi or anything, but i usually am not totally a boy-wanting girl, somehow my hormones don’t control me as much as my mind and wishes do. At my age I am fully sexually mature, but i’d prefer the company of an old or mature person, sensible, to the choice of an idiotic *bleep* who knows nothing but wanting to be *bleep*. I survive in my writing through repeating stuff, citing and perhaps addin to it my itsy bitsy concerns just to spice it up a wee bit. My door (to my inbox) is open to all Criticisms and the likes. You can get in touch with me through sending me a msg. Would love to hear wut you have to say. Be it good or otherwise. Friendly hellos all welcome.
My english teacher once told me that I was unmethodical. I don’t have rules or should I say I just wasn’t minding ‘em. I never liked them so I write as ideas pop into my head. My life is as it is until some miracle occurs. Whoa! I effin sound clinically depressed! I’m not comfortable posting pictures of myself, let alone, allowing people read into my personal life, but I figured blah! Let ‘em be aware that there are matters concerning life most people, if not all experience in a life time that are basically same as that of the others and vice versa. Let them embrace other peoples dealings in life, their cries, joys, frustration and prolly endure with ‘em and learn instead of keeping it hidden and neglected. We people have to lighten up on things that may seem to be outta the old ways that we’ve gotten used to. Flexibility and a sense of broadmindedness is also a bare bone one should posess if you wanna survive in this world. Nevertheless, you don’t have to pour it all out ‘ere if you don’t really want to. I do obviously.lol
Have Fun!
NOVEMBER 3: PART I
The day’s been generally alright for me except for a few annoying thoughts that had been buggin me, or should I say people who are starting to irritate me. Had to pay my brother’s school a small visit for some unfinished business. Afterwards, we went to the mall, bought a few grocceries stuff for the house that’ll hopefully last us a week or two. Am now sitting infront of the pc listening to Jazz music trying to calm myself. By the way, something’s gone wrong with this crappy computer of ours, again. Some sort of virus got into it thru the frikken CD games my brother got from a schoolmate. So, I ended having to use a cafe to check on my msgs while I was there at the mall…Man oh man, I am getting tired of those guys I have on my friends list. It’s like, wut on earth are they doing in my list anyway if they can’t even remember to drop me a few decent lines or so. I mean, seriously isn’t that what friends should be doing? I did hit ‘em a few hellos here in there and yet what have I got from ‘em? Nada! Or is it that I just couldn’t bother to check <grin> ‘Oh wells’ as a good friend keep sayin..hehe. ‘Okies’ too! Hahaha. .
FLEETWOOD MAC! I love this band, they sure have good stuff goen on…unlike some bands- my contrariness speaking out loud. Ahh, who cares so long as it got a good effect on my well-being eh. Ahh, I’m much relaxed now. Thank God! Hmm, yet I feel somewhat giddy and nervous at the same time for some reason. I guess it’s the fact that the money my parents had sent me is nearing its end I’m kinda fretful about that eh.
[After-the-noon]
Hey, hey, hey I’m back with fudge bars stuck on my frikken teeth!!! It’s yummy though. Ha! What can I say about my life right now. If I could sum it all up in one word: It would be ‘CHAOTIC’. Every lil thing I do seem to cause me trouble or if not, it’s like my everyday life is an accident waiting to happen. It’s as if I leave clues for ‘em troubles to track me down! Got me some more fudge bars ‘ere where I can sink my teeth into-SARAP!…hehe Imagine how much fat these sorta stuffs have eh. SHEEZ, when will I start being conscious of me body…heh dunno really. I guess, in a few months time when I’m obesse [enough] that’s for sure! Hahaha! There’s the Gym anyways. Yeah right, like what good would that do if I don’t start draggin my bum up in there. I dunno, I need some sorta primer if you know what I mean. A good kick start. Still listening to good ol’ FLEETWOOD MAC band..woohoo! La-la-la-la..ooh-ohhh..[Gypsy] Oh man, I can’t help thinking about this ‘other’ mysterious guy…Gotcha!
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IT’s frikken 5 a.m in the morning. What have I done this whole week so far? Augh, what’s going on with me. It’s like stuff happens without my realizing it, without my consent. I hate this! I’m so lost, I’m so so lost. Though, everytime I’d look back to the shadow on the otherside of my mirror I see a happy girl’s face, with that brilliant brown eyes that seems to sparkle either cuz of experiencing some sort of euphoria or simply out of the tears that seem to wanna burst out and flow for eternity. It’s hard to guess what’s really going on in her head let alone in her heart. It seems as if a part of her is happy and the other half, clueless, trapped somewhere in the dark, deep in inside her soul. And the only one who can ever see it, is a holy entity. A holy entity that could otherwise be the only hope and the only one that could ever save her. Word of today : Pathetic! I think about my friends, how I long to hear their laughter, their all so different accents, their over used girly girl, if not bad arse expressions, each composing their own unique soft yet nonetheless powerful voice. To see those fresh faces. The all time cheeky expressions on them. Those of which makes me forget my problems even for a short while and live life as if it was normal. To live their world, making me forget mine and its dull and bleak weather behind. Hoping that in everyday that I’m with them and doing my act it’ll push them away, those nightmare at the back and deepest portion of my mind. In my veins, like broken pieces of glass, pain cuts its way through my entire system. As if killing me softly, torturing, until the very last breath would only allow me to utter a shallow cry…the relief brought by the long awaited death that’ll put peace and finally calm my soul. Let it come, let darkness overshadow me, let me not see pain, let me not go through this ever again. Let me rest, and you’ll have rest. For you’ll never hear from me again, no more will I be bothering you about my pain… |
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SUMMARY: This is about those who call themselves ‘players’. Most if not all, had been a ‘player’ at least once in their entire life time. These type of people or let’s just say people per se may seem to be just PLAYING but really that’s just how they want it to appear… **************************
This is about those who call themselves ‘players’ since there ain’t such a thing as one being born as players and heart breakers. (but that’s a different and much in depth case) It’s impossible to be any of these two without any logical /psychological justification whatsoever. Most if not all, had been a ‘player’ at least once in their entire life time. These type of people or let’s just say people per se may seem to be just PLAYING but really that’s just what they want others to believe. And what you don’t see is that behind those cheeky faces are the HOPES that they might one day come across someone they may call ‘The RIGHT/SPECIAL one.’ What did you think, that they’re simply messing about, killing off precious time, making adversaries out of all the opposite sex on purpose, provoking another and prolly the last WORLD WAR there ever shall be? Heh. No doubt, that could’ve been the funniest not to mention most rubbish bluff thought of, now wouldn’t it? Indeed, it’s quite tricky and complex. The M.O? Simply wanting to play it SAFE. As far as human nature goes, this is quite normal. For one to automatically react that way inorder to shield or protect themselves from getting harmed, again. Be it in handling guilt for failing in a certain previous relationship or simply for picking up the wrong person to share themselves with (lack of judgement). This way, there’d be less emotion thus, there’s less pain in the end. This is all based on my personal observation and opinion. I’m no doctor love. In fact, LOVE’s been a complete enigma to me from as far as I can recall. Comments all welcome… And as for the latter, that is those who call themselves heart-breakers that of which means in its very term, also to cause harm intentionaly yet this time having a particular target. It takes one great sick brain to pull this one out. Of course, you need to be free of guilt. There’s no room for alter egos in this anomalous nature of misdemeanor… |
I LOVE SURVEYS…IT gives OUT MORE INFOS ABOUT Moi …KILLS TIME TOO, YOU KNOW.
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We’ll start with some basics. What are you seen typically wearing?
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I like dark, sophisticated clothing and I like suits, collared shirts, that sort of thing. I like to feel neat and clean.
Alright then. Next, what kind of make-up or accessories do you normally wear?
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I’m not much of a make-up fan. Maybe a little foundation, blush, eyeliner, mascara but that’s about it.
Excellent, now when you’re walking down the street about how many people do you notice looking your way?
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I always react differently when someone notices me. Sometimes it bugs me and other times I have to admit I enjoy it.
Okay, now if you could be anywhere in the world, where would you be?
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By myself or at a nice party with my good friends and no one doing anything wrong, just having good clean fun.
Name a group of words that describe you.
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Mysterious, Mature, Sophisticated.
Which character archetype do you most identify with?
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A princess.
How would you describe your current relationship situation?
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Deeply in the truest of true love. It transcends
death, you know.
What do you value above all other things?
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Close, loyal friendship.
What sort of bad, awful things have you done?
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Let my lover believe something terrible had happened to me..hihi..cut or otherwise harm myself physically on purpose..lol..denied my true feelings to myself so as to not stir up any problems.
What statement do you most agree with
concerning love?
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"Pain and pleasure are separated only by perception."
When faced with a choice at the video store, what genre will you usually rent from?
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Comedy
Ideal date…?
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Playing games… and when i lose, he gives me a kiss to cheer me up and
then we’ll go for a walk and talk about funny things… I like to
laugh.
Favo activity?
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Spending time with friends, mostly talking, sometimes a movie evening,
reading, maybe writing poems stuff like that, if not brooding..hmmpf!
Where did you come from?
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I came from the flowers. Innocent, cute, I see the world in a rainbow
colored perpective. Happy, but sometimes a bit foolish.
You’re having dinner with your boyfriend. What does the conversation
consist of?
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Saying how hard your day was, and how you just need someone strong to
hold you.
At work, what is your typical outfit?
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A skirt just short enough to show the top of my tights when I bend
over…lol..nah, a well-cut classic suit.
How would you decorate your bedroom?
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White linens and primary colors.
What kind of pet do you/would you own?
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A bunny.
What kind of music do you find yourself listening to the most?
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Blues.
You’ve decided to make your boyfriend dinner tonight. What’s on the
menu?
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Pot roast, potatoes, and whole milk…lol nah, i don’t cook.
Where do you/would you go for the perfect vacation?
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Driving down Route 66.
What’s your biggest ambition in life?
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To be beautiful and famous forever…seriously, to marry a wonderful
man and have a family.
You’re at the theater and your boyfriend sneaks his arm around your
shoulder. What do you do?
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Leave it, and snuggle underneath…
Do you believe in true love?
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If he takes care of me.
**WHAT’S ON THE INSIDE?**
What best fits your mood most of the time?
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The world is crying, I am dying, stop the lying!
What is your favorite candy bar?
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Snickers
Let’s say you have a lot of friends and they are surrounding you, talking incessantly. What are you thinking?
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Ah! I love my friends!
What describes you?
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Torrent of raging fire
If you could, what would you like have?
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Lots of ways to make others around me happy
And finally, If I were to call you a bitch, how would you react?
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Well I’d have to say that I’d just sit right down and cry
