Uncovering the truth behind those momentary stares,
Comprehending the origin of those smiles, and the depth to which it fades that seems just beneath the surface of the skin leaving a certain mark,
A mark visible enough to gently reveal a secret so painfully and laborously kept hidden…
The kinda like that comes out only from time to time via a cord of nerves attached to the heart…
Baring out the truth of a thing that can only be wished to perish…

*thing: obsession

Nov 24 2004, 11:57 PM

"I felt emptiness eating me alive. I always assumed I was doing okay; that problems do usually enter every people’s lives and does go eventually ‘til another one follows shortly there after. Yet somehow a big part of me is crying out loud, it
wanted to break loose. It’s as if something in me
knows something I ain’t consciously aware of.
It’s begging for me to let it out, it wanted to
be heard, to be discovered. At first, I never
minded it that much for I never really
supposed it was even there until it finally died out.
I began to realize its presence just when I couldnt
hear from it anymore, leaving a deafening silence
within me. I knew something was about to pass
away for good,  for all there is left were echoes
reverberating within the chambers of my soul. The
once relentless force, I thought was the one who
keeps bugging me, getting my attention and
maybe cutting me off my so called normal life…
And then, I started to wonder about this certain
interference which I’ve learned was so vague and
nearly inconspicuous yet was strong enough to
stop me on my tracks despite the fact that it was
barely alive, liberating me from all major worries in
life. This thing may have been the one putting
ideas in my head. That something is not right,
missing and even treated unjustly… (?)
That of which, was kept so deeply hidden and
tightly sealed in the darkest portion of my mind.
Whatever it was, it sure had something to say, it
was fighting for its life, rebelling. And for that
same matter have I concluded: Whatever it might
be must have some sort of significance to me…."

Jez one of my favorite songs…quite fittin’ …diba po ‘Brown Eyeball’?^^ Who could the future unfortunate guy be? He’s toast! =P

NZ Artist: Carly Binding <3

"We sit here and we talk about the weather
Only just so we can be in this together tonight

I fell in love with you
Oh (oh, oh, oh) "………………………………………….

Yesterday I visited the Watchtower. (or Bethel) Specifically speaking, I was there to see my great aunt & uncle. The experience was, how shall I put it, extremely wonderful. The vicinity was very inviting, cozy, not to mention the people there particularly the Bethelite families, amiable & accomodating.

Of course, I was not alone when I got there. I was accompanied by a few sisters from the congregation. There was Miss Cristina Lacanilao or ‘Ate Teena’ as I  call her, Jane Tan, Jowenna, Ate Gie, and Velceryll.

We reached the Watchtower safely without any unusual encounters that might’ve delayed our arrival except for a couple of attention-seeker guys and late departure to begin with. LOL which was all right.

Ate Jowenna was kind enough to request a tour session and arrange for what was intended to be a delightful adventure. However, there’d been some guest that had arrived from korea which made it impossible for us to have our lunch at the dining hall. Bummer!

At the tour, we met this guy named ‘Gerry’ who was supposed to be our host for the entire morning, but my great aunt took over and gave ME a special tour…yeah! Well anyway, when I was still with the group Gerry brought us to the Service Department then to the Printing and Shipping Dept.

In the Printing office, we met this tall, somewhat skinny gentleman named Romeo. He was one of the staffs at the Imaging room. Can’t believe i actually do remember most of the stuffs he told us about how Brooklyn sends them this CD-ROM of images for the magazine layout cover. They transfer or copy the stuff on their computer and put it up in its appropriate article/text. Then they would fix the resolution and all that, afterwards they re-check it and kinda like print it on a thick-ish film like that of wut they use for x-rays. I also learned how they use 4 basic colors, that is to say Yellow, Orange, Green and Black. It was awesome! In that very same building have I also met this charming 70-something year old lady called Nora. Really sweet.

During the trip, I noticed that where ever you go, who ever you bump into all have one thing in common. Never did it fail for them to greet you warmly and depart w/o leaving ya with  encouraging spiritual speeches. Not to mention, that sparkle in their eyes, the warm smiles that sinks deep down in your heart and constantly probe your mind, lifting your ‘hidden’ sorrows & leaving you longing….hmmm, anyway back to my journal. Subsequently, after the long walk we ended up having lunch in brother Romy’s room. (Long story..^_^) The food was yummy excluding the lamb chop- no offense to "Mr. Who"..No, he ain’t chinese and that certainly ain’t the name. I’m just havin trouble recallin wut it is.. ^^

So yeah, when my Great Aunt Linda took over, I along with the Sisters made our way to the Treasury Dept. which was her office and so did the introduction started. Eventually, my great aunt had to take me away from the group for a mono-e-mono talk. (however you spell it)…that’s all for now…my back is killing me!

I actually have another entry prior to this one but i figured it was far too depressing. I’m getting weary of writing stuff about the miserable side of my life…hmm. If i had written it, they’d say it’s absurd and unconvincing that I go through such things at my age. That’s the disadvantage for being emotionally mature, I guess. And for knowing too much and yet so little of things. Bah! I figured, nandyan naman si…. *le sigh*….-8  Feb 2005

BoO?! Jez thought, I’d drop  A FEW lines…^^ I’m a newbie!! Name’s Faux,*WAVES*, I’m  from RP otherwise called Philippines, but I’ve been travelling from as far as i can remember-has its own advantages and disadvantages…was preparing tomorrow’s lesson plan for my korean students but my mind keeps wandering off *FEELS TUMMY*(Gutom?…nah)- so I’m giving myself a break! A lot of peepz are curious about wut I’m doing these days so I’ma give a few brief infos. Uhm, I’m a native speaker in this prestige (ahihi) english institute at the moment. And the truth is, I’m an amateur when it comes to T.E.A.C.H plus I.N.G…I mean, duh? My major has nuthin to do with the whole thing wutsoever. Why am I doen this? For experience, thought it’d be pretty cool for my resume AND I heard they ‘urgently’ needed a native speaker and since i’m a good samaritan or simply bcuz I’m ME, i told myself: "wut the heck… I’ll do it!"…and did i mention it’s cuz they pay good money and that i’m poor, i needed the dough…and blah, blah, blah. So yeah, as i was saying, I even, like, joined this English forum thing on the web just so I could get help and be a good teacher *sobs*..hoping that some of ‘em would be so kind as to give me a few pointers regarding IT…I forgot my grammar you see, not that it really ever mattered. I’ve lived in Egypt for 6 years, been to Israel and lived in New Zealand for about..a lil over 2 years. Consequently, I’ve been a lil more than enthusiastic with regards to learning other languages, even tried French back in Cairo which was mandatory ..went as far as getting myself a tutor but the effort turned out to be futile. It was just too hard but I always thought it was cool…oh well, all ain’t lost for me they say, there are other alternatives anyway… (geez, here I go with the rhymin again..eugh!) Me, teaching and koreans? Pretty!!! I’ve been tutoring/teaching for  4 months…there’d been good moments and vice versa. It’s been generally okay which is really surprising cuz most of my co-teachers would be telling me all’a these dark experiences that they’ve had with "koreans"…errm, "students" rather…well, "korean students. I ain’t sure if they were true. Nevertheless, I keep thanking God cuz I feel so blessed that I’m getting along with my students…there were times where i wanted so much to quit and times that I resented ever being there in the first place but i’m beginning to understand them and it’s all good now. Their behaviors were all outta frustration, pride, too much eagerness, shyness..etc. which i learnt was typical. That’s about it, wutsmore  I have this spiritul goal…which makes life much easier for me to bear…I used to pray with such intense feeling and briefness, like so : "God, get me outta this mess! I’m in deep *bleep* huhu…please?"  Few years later and voila! "God, give me strength that I may face hardships with perseverance…I’m really sorry for the times I’ve failed you. Forgive me, if there’s anything in the world I’d least think of doing that would be to Hurt you…i wanna say sorry for the things i ever did wrong both intentionally and unintentionally…i’m hoping that with yer help, I’ll be able to make-bawas the people who don’t even know you exist, and those whom-depsite knowing yer existence, does not believe in you…." something like that………I know, I know. Still in need of improvement but hey, I’m getting there aren’t I?^^ Nah, seriously though…arrg! Don’t wanna talk about it, I’m a bit touchy when it comes to that…

Next on Faux’s corner:

*"My love life… wut drives it?"…

*"2 guys i dislike at the moment: Who are they? uhurrm"…

*"Why the moniker FAUX?"…

*"Wut hurts the most"…

*"Live Not to Eat!"…

*"Bite me"…

*"One of those days"…

*"F.R.I.E.N.D.S"…

*"2 of the guys I dislike at the moment: (Uncut)"…

*"My favorite korean"…

*"Sumthin that keeps me up all night"…

*"listahan ng mga utang ko"(unlimited)…and a lot more!

—————–Thank you for yer time, please come again!!! ^^——————–

Time finished: 12:05 p.m (figures)